Guide your son toward manhood with purpose.
Four days in the Santa Cruz mountains. Fathers and sons, real challenge, and a rite of passage he will carry the rest of his life. Don’t leave his becoming to chance. Walk him there.
November 5–8 · Thursday to Sunday · 6 father-son pairs per retreat
Watch first
What happens across these four days?
3 minutes from me, Pat Barber, on why this retreat is important and what you will take away from it
November 5–8 · Santa Cruz, CA
Why this exists
Your son is becoming a man whether you're part of it or not.
He's getting his definition of manhood from a screen. From a group chat. From whoever is loudest online that week.
Meanwhile the conversations at home have gotten shorter. Door closed. Headphones on. You keep meaning to say the real things, and the years keep moving.
The most effective cultures from history had a moment: the boy is taken out, tested, and returned as a man in front of witnesses. We don't have that anymore. This retreat puts it back, with you standing next to him.
What's involved
Four days. Phones locked away.
A real rite of passage
A structured ceremony where you name what your son is leaving behind and what he is stepping into. Witnessed by the other fathers and sons.
Literal forge work, side by side
Your son hammers steel with your hands working next to his. He leaves with something he made, that directly reminds him of his time here with you.
Guided hard things
Wayfinding, a long climb, cold water, a night under the stars. Contained physical and mental stress that proves to him he is more capable than he thought.
The conversations you've been avoiding
Prompted, private father-son sessions around values, phones, girls, fear, failure, money and purpose. You don't have to know how to start. That's my job.
Fire, sauna, cold plunge
The good stuff. Where the guard drops and boys start talking like men.
Food worth remembering
My wife and family will be cooking for us, and it's common that some of the highest praise I get is about the quality of the food.
Who it's for
- Fathers with a son roughly 12 to 17.
- Dads who feel the window closing and want to do something about it now.
- Men who want their son's idea of manhood to come from them, not from the internet.
What he leaves with
- Proof he can do hard things, earned in his own body.
- A clear line between the boy he was and the man he's becoming.
- Something he forged with his own hands.
- A father he can actually talk to.
What you leave with
- Language for the conversations you've been putting off.
- A short list of promises you made to him out loud.
- Other fathers walking the same road.
- The relief of having actually shown up for this.
The details
Limited to 6 father-son pairs.
- Where
- 5-acre mountain property, Santa Cruz, CA
- When
- November 5–8 · Travel in Thursday, leave Sunday
- Who
- One father, one son · 6 pairs max
- Investment
- 4 days of your life and $4,000
This is not a vacation and it's not a workshop. It's a rite of passage for fathers who refuse to let this moment pass unmarked.
Claim one of the 6 spotsNovember 5–8 · Pricing confirmed by email before any payment.
Questions fathers ask
How old should my son be?
Best fit is 12 to 17. If he's on either edge, email me and we'll talk about whether this particular weekend is right for him.
What if my son doesn't want to come?
That's normal, and it's usually the boys who resist that get the most out of it. Come anyway. Almost every son thanks his father by day two.
How fit do we need to be?
You need to be able to hike a few miles on uneven ground. Everything else is scaled to the pair in front of me.
Is this religious?
No. It's built on rites of passage that men have used across cultures for thousands of years. Bring your own faith; it will fit.
Where do we sleep?
On my 5-acre mountain property in Santa Cruz, California. I will have tents and sleeping pads for you. You will just need to bring a sleeping bag.
How do I get there?
You can fly into Oakland, San Jose, or San Francisco. You are responsible for getting to Pat's house in the Santa Cruz Mountains by 5 pm on the Thursday night. You will be done around 11:00 am on the Sunday.
He only crosses this line once. Be the man who walks him across it.
Reserve your spotNovember 5–8 · 6 father-son pairs
The Father's Guild · Santa Cruz, California